"I was happier before I had a child."

 I read in a women's magazine this week (Grazia) an article entitled I was happier before I had a child.

The essence of the article was about what the author felt she'd had to give up in having her baby and the daily "tedious chores" and "constant demands" of a baby which give "no break" to the mother. She refers to "study after study [where] the gist is that our 'life satisfaction', 'marital satisfaction', and 'mental wellbeing' declines sharply after having children."

The author goes on to question why people feel unable to moan about motherhood: "Why, if you profess anything less than utter joy at being a mother, are you seen as a bad one?" Really? I would argue that most of my friends with young children are very realistic about the difficulties of motherhood; it is just that we try to balance it with the positives too. 

In contrast the author goes on to talk about how she reminisces about her "lovely life" before she had a baby: "our holidays, weekends, finances, social life, even our relationship were better before she came along." I have to say that this quote made me very sad. It kind of feels indicative of the society that we live in where everything is about "me, me, me." I am sure we all have days where we wish that things could be a bit different: more money, more time, less nappies, more sleep. But bringing children into the world should not, to my mind, be about our own personal fulfilment; it should not be another tick box item of 'things to do to make me feel happier / be a better person.' It is about love for another, responsibility, amazing joys and utter craziness. It cannot be contained in a neat little box and labelled quite as easily as the author of this article seems to want it to be.  

The author finishes by saying that she does not regret having her baby and knows that when her daughter is grown up, she will know "it was all worth it." I think it's a trap that we can all fall into in so many aspects of life where we look back on the past with a romantic view of the past. In the author's case, and sometimes in mine and my husband's too, when we reminisce about long lie-ins, late nights out and the freedom that comes with youth, we romanticise how things were.

The truth is, that having children means life cannot compare to how it was before, in any way at all. There are challenges and there are joys. But I think it is sad that this mother feels she will be able to say it was worth it when looking back on motherhood, rather than living in the moment as she faces the ups and downs that daily life brings. 

Whatever challenges I face as a mother, I want to remind myself to say (and believe me, it's not always easy) that it is worth it. I want to try and live in each moment, each day, each week of my childrens' lives and enjoy what God has given us as a family: not to compare my situation to other peoples' or to my life previously but to remember that, even when the going gets tough, it is worth it.