This time two years ago, my eldest son was two weeks old and I was learning how to be a mum. Two years on and I am still learning! It's been an amazing, emotional and incredibly fun two years, but there are days when I still feel as if I don't know really what I am doing! Just when I think we are into a routine, something changes; or just when one hurdle has been jumped over, another one presents itself.
With the arrival of our second child four months ago, I felt a lot more able to cope with the changes to family life, mainly because I knew that everything was just a phase. Hour long feeds? They'll only take that long for the first few weeks. Constant night waking? It passes. Screaming til he's blue in the face at bath time? He will soon learn to love it.
And I was right; but it doesn't change the fact that there are always new things to deal with (potty training anyone?!) and new things to teach our little ones. As they are constantly learning, so are we. I came across a brilliant quote from Robert Brault: The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. A lovely idea, and great in theory, but in practice children are not always very clear in what they are trying to teach!
One of the things I have struggled with most about motherhood is the lack of feedback and praise (yes I realise that I shouldn't need to hear other people telling me I'm doing a good job, but I do!) In previous jobs, I have undergone assessments, received feedback, attended appraisals and been in receipt of bonuses for good performance. Now the people in the best position to offer me appraisals of my work as a mum are my kids. And if we are having a bad day, their feedback can be pretty brutal and not particularly constructive (as can be my responses too)!
I've still not found a solution and guess that for as long as I'm a stay-at-home mum I'll find it hard not receiving affirmation from other adults (hubby aside!) but what I am trying to do is focus on the little lovely things each day that my children do which, when I think about it, show me that I'm doing ok.
I love the following little poem which just about sums it up:
A rose can say "I love you",
orchids can enthrall,
but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist,
yes, that says it all.
~ Author unkown
That's not to say an annual bonus wouldn't be nice though!
Great posts Rachel. Thank you! You're right the constant changes in routine and the lack of feedback are difficult. As for potty training, I bought 2 potties (one up and one downstairs) which don't get used as I don't know what I'm doing and number one thinks she can sit on it for hours in a nappy and trousers whiling away the time! The problem is that children don't come with instruction manuals and all the teacher training goes out of the window with toddlers and babies.
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